TOASTS, FRIENDSHIPS AND NOT ALLOWING THE THIRD DEATH
A 45-year-old tradition continues despite the quarantines, travel, miles between family members, one having a baseball game, two grandchildren already in bed and work obligations. I have had three half shots of Jameson Whiskey on St Patrick’s Day every year, usually at a restaurant or drinking establishment. The first toast is to my grandfather Lewis Kelly who always had a shot on St Patrick’s Day. When he got up in age and was unable to drive himself to a local pub, my father used to take him to a local bar despite the protests of my grandmother! 44 years ago, my father passed, so I took my grandfather out for a shot of Jameson. It only happened once, as subsequently later that year at 89 he too passed.
I had a very good friend, Tom Mollard, an industry mentor and every year since we met for 37 years having 3 half shots of Jameson. Missed only one while attending the New York Saint Patrick’s Day Parade but subsequently met with Tom on my return. During this time, we told a tale or two of those we were toasting. The first shot was for my grandfather; the second shot was for my father (and subsequently Tom’s wife Ann who passed) and third was for good health and lives for those we were drinking with on St Patrick’s Day! No surprise, there were always lots of others around us who joined in!! Besides telling some stories of those we toasted, many famous Irish toasts were read.
Tom Mollard passed away a few years ago. So today the second toast is to the key and influential people in my life who have passed: Dr John Rhodenbaugh (golfing buddy, former NCGA President, mentor), Tom Mollard (a great friend in the high tech industry, mentor), Margaret Houghton (one of our adapted grandmothers, former member of Castlewood CC), Richard Becker (the greatest father-in-law one could have!), Jim & Marian Heaton who guided me in work, spirituality and family life passed more recently and Deidre Comerton (a Saint in Dublin Ireland, mother of my good friend David Comerton) and continuing to add others from our memories.
The third continues to be with those we are with this evening. Having moved and our children have also moved, it has been Susan and I, but with the power of video conferencing, we did toast with both daughters and their husbands this evening. Both daughters have continued this tradition with a spin on being more inclusive of their friends. The older grandchildren are now included drinking non-alcoholic drinks but joining in on the toasts. Some of the adults drink Irish Whiskey, some wine and some beer. We went around the screen with everyone mentioning names of key persons who were loved and missed. Even Liam when he experienced his first St Patrick’s Day with the adults mentioned his first dog Kai.
46 years of this tradition continues with toasting and speaking about great friends both past and present, relatives and the joy they brought to our lives this evening. Saint Patrick’s Day in our household is far more than just drinking but of fond memories and what life will bring our way in the coming days. Many laughs during the call and more than enough tears to fill a stream for those who have passed.
By stating their names these great friends, relatives and mentors live on and will not die the ill fated third death. Let me explain. I was at David Girard Vineyards which is located in the Sierra Nevada foothills above Coloma-Lotus Valley where gold was discovered in 1848. While tasting several delightful wines, Rod Gideons, our host for the day, mentioned a quote by David Eagleman stating “There are three deaths. The first is when the body ceases to function. The second is when the body is consigned to the grave. The third is that moment, sometime in the future, when your name is spoken for the last time.” Okei, who came over from Japan, was a nanny for the prominent Veerkamp family. She longed for her homeland in Japan and often went to a nearby hill and watched the sunset knowing it was going to be a new day shortly in Japan. She came over when she was 17 and unfortunately died at age 19 in 1871. Okei asked to be buried on that hill facing east. She is the first known Japanese to be buried on American soil. She is revered as personifying the immigrant spirit and is a popular folk hero here and in Japan. A Japanese melody laments her early death according to the Japanese community. So with that in mind, David Girard Vineyards, being in the same area, wanted to immortalize her by naming their flagship wine, Okei-san Syrah. And by continuing to mention her name, she will never die the third death!
So, it is with our family not allowing the third death by mentioning and honoring their names. Our family has embraced these two stories, and it is now part of our tradition each St Patrick’s Day. We concluded with an Irish toast “May the hinges of our friendship never rust”.
Sláinte,
Michael Kelly